Saturday, May 29, 2004

Good news India

It is always interesting to read such news. As my mom says, the people in this site are responsible for the rain.
Sunday, May 23, 2004

Still from Kansas

I am still in Kansas. Yesterday we tried to go-carting, however, some moron thought that go-carting is more fun doing rash driving and ended up in ambulance. So, we are again going today. Left applications for jobs at lot of places,hopefully something should turn up. Returning to rolla today. That's it folks....
Saturday, May 22, 2004

From Kansas city

I am in anu's house now. Kansas city is nice, like my last visit to austin. I searched for jobs in St. Louis yesterday. Might do the same today also.

About CNN

This is what I read from CNN today. Got really pissed off about why someone should bring religion into such silly matters. Is it so noteworthy that Mr. Manmohan sigh is a sikh or my president is a muslim. How many times does CNN mention that Mr. bush is a christian president. How will it look if all of the Indian media says, "The christian American president Mr. Bush" silly of these people.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Got my network router

I went to staples and bought wireless network router. Venkat bought speakers. so, our mini home theater is now set. Let see if bons is able to see today's movie without dozzing off.
Monday, May 17, 2004

For a change it was nice reading this

I understood the pain and hardship this black lady must have gone through. But more than that, her concept of education astonished me. It is this willingness to suffer, the ambition to learn and desire to improve and grow, facinates me.

"Education is an investment in itself," she says. "It doesn't matter how your teacher feels about you. You're responsible for investing in yourself. And that investment in yourself will make you available for opportunities in the future."

Sunday, May 16, 2004

I graduated

Thursday, May 13, 2004
My thesis is not yet signed. It is being held because of a paper I am writing which is not a part of my thesis. What in the world do we call this? Huh more common terms, stealing. He is stealing my money. If he expects me to work, then he should pay. For the amount of time I am spending here, I have spend some amount of money who is going to pay for that. I am not even talking about opportunity costs and missed opportunities. Do we have a forum or a place where we can lodge a complaint. Does anybody know? If so please email me. It will be of some use.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Same Sick Story

Am I the chosen one? I have very real doubts about this. Why am I always chosen for the worst? What is it which is stopping my prof. from signing my thesis even after I sent one paper to IEEE. I knew he was cheap, but only now I realize the extent of that.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
It is burning outside. The occasional gusts of wind are trying pitifully to simmer the heat. Or is it me? I decide it does not matter either way, after a withering leaf fell across my face breaking my thoughts. Most of these days, I seem lost. Every hour despite my self, I am searching for something which I do not know. Is is my present problem or am I a born melancholic? Always I am ragged by so many questions, so many thoughts and so much of sadness. May be I will share the story of my life with you. One full of so much of love, sadness, pathos and many a time - serene absoluteness.
Where should I start? It is always fascinating to watch the park opposite to my home during the early morning, especially so on holidays. Despite my late sleep yesterday, I wake up early in the morning. I could hear my amma, doing some work in kitchen. My sister who is elder to me by approximately 1 1/2 is still sleeping. I know she won’t wake up till 7AM. That too, after numerous persuasions from my dad and some life threatening shouts from my amma. She does not really care. She knows they are not angry with her and probably they never will. I don't know about the rest of the world, but in my world of father, mother, grandma, sister and I - life is perfect. I slowly make toward the kitchen to get my brush and move for the back of the house open place. Amma would have already started making coffee for me. That slight presence of me is enough for her to start another small routine which she has done with a religious zeal all these years. I take my coffee and move to my favorite spot at the stairs in front of my house. I could hear my dad complain to the neighbor about the water shortage that is impending and which would anyway come, despite the frantic efforts of so many governments and organizations. But, I am not interested in all these. I am looking for the birds and flowers that I chit-chat everyday. Carrion crows, other smaller birds, the name of whom I don't know, gulmohar flowers, rain of forest, the roses that have bloomed from my sister's pots and of course the tree in front of my house. For others it may seem absurd and for many others, this may seem quite natural. After all, we all come from the same earth, so it is natural to feel a sense of bonding to everything around us.
I just completed my final year in engineering and I am dreaming of going to US. It is an arduous process claiming much of my families’ resources, time and attention. Clearly, amma is unhappy about the entire process. Though she says she does not have enough money to send me, I know better. She does not like the thought of living without her children. We have become here goal, dream and purpose in life. Everything she does revolve around us and some ways specifically around me.

Life will continue....



I am going to start writing a story. Lot of incidents in this story are going to be from my life but there are also others things from my imagination. Just to spice up my blog....
Sunday, May 09, 2004


My deepest condolences to the friends and family of Akshay, who passed away today in a car accident. This is the first of its kind in the Indian community in Rolla.

Some thoughts about American torture of Iraqi prisoners

In the past few days, I have read a lot of posts about the Americans torturing Iraqi prisoners. The outrage felt by Arabs, entire Muslim community and even other non-westerners clearly shows how the world opinion goes in this issue. On the other hand, most of these people who are angry and outraged come from nations where there is a blatant disregard for human rights. So, if these people are so angry they better mend themselves also. Yet, America and whole of the so called allies for the "War on Terror" are at fault. The single main reason - the western nations consider themselves the example of human rights and epitome of compassion and love. If they were what they claim, then these incidents should never have happened. It is for this single reason - the lie they sell to the world, that, they should be made answerable. Taliban never claimed to be the champion of human rights, so even if the atrocities committed by them cannot be accepted, can surely be expected. Further on these lines, if I consider these actions by the allied army in Iraq as racism, then I am also thinking in some other direction. If my country India were to be in the position of US commanding world respect and fear, if Americans come to my country for jobs, if my country were to be considered the economic power house of the world, how much of the atrocities that we Indians charge against west be repeated by ourselves. Will we treat the people coming, say from poor African countries or other Asian countries with respect? I guess no. Even among ourselves, there is so much of discrimination irrespective of religion, education or wealth. In short, I guess, most of us forget to love others and realize that it is others who make this beautiful world we live. We refuse to share what is rationally common to all. It is stupid to blame any nation, religious group, or race for the problems of the world. I think each of us should look into ourselves and judge how far we would fare if we were put into the situations like those people we see in the news.
Thursday, May 06, 2004

Interesting Revelations

I was totally pissed off, irritated to the core and had lost all hope today. Everywhere I tried to get a job, I met dead end. Incidently I met meena in the lab and was talking about the state of affairs. She said she was also sailing in the same boat but she asked me a few questions. She asked if I tried for the part time jobs like how I used to try when I was searching for a job in New jersey or when I was searching for funding. In truth, I should admit with lot of guilt that I have not. All the places I have tried or sent applications to, I realized I have not even called them back. Hey this is ridiculous. Looking at the state of affairs, I think I am the one who has to be blamed. Bons was right. I had been in a state of virtual reality all these while, but all of a sudden I have been woken up from that. I think, I should thank my friends for that. So, now this is what I have decided. I am gonna do this job search, 8 hours a day like a proper job itself. I am gonna go to library in the morning by 9AM and work till 5PM on the job search. I think that should be easy enough for me to do after working for more than 10 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am gonna give myself time till, I graduate, which is may 15th. If I have done my job sincerely, I should be placed somewhere by then.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004

AIDS medicine

That's very nice to read.
Made in India AIDS drug judged best in world

Indian 3-in-1 pill better for new AIDS patients than any: latest US study

NEW DELHI, MAY 4: This is the best endorsement Indian drug manufacturers could have had. A three-year study of AIDS drugs, involving 1,147 patients, published in the current issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, considered the holy grail for medical researchers, has said that the three-in-one pill made by Indian companies—Ranbaxy and Cipla—is ‘‘better for new patients than any of those sold or planned by Western drug companies

Sunday, May 02, 2004

This "forward" for a change was cool!!!

For those who are lucky to still be blessed with your Mom this is
beautiful. For those who aren't, this is even more beautiful. The young
mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?"she asked.

And the guide said "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before
you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."
But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything
could be better than these years.

So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught
them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the
dog and do their homework and brush their teeth.

The sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be
lovelier than this." Then the nights came, and the! storms, and the path
was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the
mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children
said, "Mother, we are not afraid,for you are near, and no harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed
and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the
children, A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed,
and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she
gave them strength to face the world. Year
after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of
all ...... unconditional love.

And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done
it without you." The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the
years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her
children were
tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay
down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than
the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these
traits on to
their children."

And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their
strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill,
and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung

And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the
end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity
and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after

And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when
you have gone through the gates."
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed
after her. And they said: "We cannot ! see her, but she is with us still. A
Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."

Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk
down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you
pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when
you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winter's
day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of
a rainbow, she is Christmas morning.

Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every
tear drop. A mother shows every emotion.......... happiness, sadness,
fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy,
sorrow..... and all
the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life.

She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you
follow with every step you take. She's your first love, your first friend,
even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not
space...............not even death!

Saturday, May 01, 2004

All is one and one is all

Himself as in all beings,
And all beings in himself,
Sees he whose self is disciplined in discipline,
Who sees the same in all things.

Who sees Me in all,
And sees all in Me,
For him I am not lost,
And he is not lost for me.

Whoso reveres me as abiding in all things,
adopting the belief in oneness,
though abiding in any possible condition,
that disciplined man abides in Me.
GITA [vi. 29-31]

This is the way I believe a religion should be. I don't see problems of idol worship, problem of blasphemy, problems of evil, of politics, anger, hate and war in these verses. There is my God in every GOD of this world and hence all GODS are just shades of my GOD.

Church of Satan

My friend meena for some reason was browsing through this site. I, for no explanation remembered this site the next day and went through. It was an interesting reading. It gave a different perspective of the satanists and some of their ideals that were mentioned in the site were quite interesting and infact made sense. I personally don't believe in the existence of satan as source of evil and God as the source of goodness. Specifically the dimetrically opposite concepts. I beleive both good and bad spring from our own being and sometimes it is very hard to define what is good and what is evil. I beleive faith should come from love and not from fear. Sadly the religions of today's world are moving away from the "message of love" and towards the fear concept.
About myself, by myself, for myself and also for ......

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I like to read

  • Desikan
  • Orange
  • journo ramya
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  • Ammani, The great
  • mental case :-)
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