If it itches for you, scratch it yourself - moral of today's story
Floatation trip - Aravind morphed into live oars
Me and God
There are too many things to ask,
To many things to do and lot many more to get.
The more I get, the little I am satisfied
My urge grows till it burns with desire
Finally when I see you,
When I know I can ask you anything
And anything I would get,
The moons and stars in the sky,
The gold from the rays of sun,
I remain dumbstruck.
I don't want anything.
You have given everything I would ever need and
Would give all that I would need in time.
With stuborn arrogance
I remain silent not asking anything I thought I need,
With stuborn arrogance.
Mostly about the so called good and evil
I personally don't believe in the concept of evil, devil or satan. I think it is a mass propaganda and lie to fool people, to distract them from the real issues. I think one cannot see everything in this world in black and white. It is not just that the world has lot of issues which are grey, but also have lot of different colors and those which extend beyond the visible spectrum (I am an electrical engineer..he he). So, coming back to the concept of satan, this is how my logic goes. I believe in God, that God is all powerful , that everything starts from Him and end in Him. There is not a tinge of badness in God. So having described God, how can satan even exist trying to over throw the rule of God. This does not make sense. I think everything in this world is a manifestation of Him. There was nothing, there is nothing and there would be nothing that could be in the world without coming from God. So anything that came from God cannot be evil. So, Evil is not "evil" and satan is definitely not trying to over throw anybody's rule. So what is this good Vz evil, God Vs Satan or black Vs white mean. Well, these are human being inborn fears of insecurity. If you say you are a believer in God and say that your faith will save from Satan, then in an indirect way you are saying you believe in Satan too. Why is this contradiction? Belief in God should be a personal affair, not to save yourself from hell or evil. If you cannot create good while you are living how can you do so when you are dead just by believing in a concept. For those people who believe in heaven and hell, there is no such thing waiting for us after we are dead. on the contrary both are with us when we are living, just that they are hidden from our mortal eyes. Irrespective who the person is, if one does a li'le good to somebody without expecting anything (even a thanks), that deed makes us really happy and that is when we feel the heaven.
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I water'd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.
And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole,
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.
by William blake
It is interesting to notice ourselves sometimes, how we change so dramatically. What was once thought to be so perfect, seems very absurd now. I am talking about some of my friends. I still don't have a clue as to what is happening. They suddenly became very cold. Sometimes I feel I should try to break the ice, but well what the heck....I have no problems with them. They are still the same they were to me. I still like them the same way I did before. Not liking someone brings in a negative aspect into my life. I dont think I am ready to do that. So if this episode is going to end like this, well, I am game to it. Finally, "only change is the permenant phenomenon in this universe, nothing else".
Last saturday I went for the canoeing trip. There was only one thing I was absolutely sure of; that I will return back alive (since I know swimming). Everything started of very well, me and sam going to hardees and buying lunch, arrived on parking lot to be picked on time, reaching the place and then.............ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. We didnot know the difference between the front and back of the canoe. Then, sam sat at the back initially so that he can steer. Well, we went straight for an american family, crashed over their canoe and strangely they toppled. Well, some other indians with us taught us how to go about doing the task of canoeing. Everything went well, we infact managed to take U-turns and stuff. Then there came this first rapid. We were really confident by this time. So I suggested we take a slight right turn and then make a sharp left turn towards the rapid. Everything went fine, by I steered more towards the left, with all the force I could muster, and boooooooooom, we crashed. Things are still fresh in my mind like happening in slow motion. We crashed, for a second we were aflot, then toppled. We had to pour the water out of the canoe, so I suggested we sink the canoe inside water, that way we will able to tilt it easily. The mistake I did was I under-estimated the speed of the current. The current was so strong that with the canoe sam was pushed a complete U-turn, came from my left side to right side. The canoe went litterally over sam (He claims his neck was saved by the prominence of his ponch) and my right leg got stuck between a rock and the canoe. I could hear sam saying, "Arvind you are hurting me". Then, in a suprem effort of heroics never before witnessed in this universe, I pulled my leg out, held the canoe by my right hand and pulled sam with my left hand. Sam was free and all the world gave sigh of relief. Ofcource, some other poeple came and helped us back into the canoe. Rest of the journey we made it without toppling. We became so proficient that we were able to negotiate the rapid in reverse, but we came back alive and are ready to for the next trip.
Since I did not meet anybody about whom I can complain, I am doing that honourable deed on myself. Of late, I am feeling more and more detached with people around me. I think my mind is reacting automatically to the reality that I won't be in Rolla next month. Part of the feeling comes from my nature. I am a very intense, melocholic, dreamy, and a lonely person.
Today I was working all through the day and surprisingly I feel like working more. This is those moods I get into when I become that workaholic that I am not.
Is this universally true or is it only me? In a normal friendship, when you maintain distance and when everything goes fine, you are happy and you want to become more closer to that person. The minute you achieve that target, you start feeling uncomfortable. You start to feel their negative side more profoundly than their positive side. I think my golden rule about friendship still holds good. "You Give and be happy;you don't get and don't be sad".
Today I was completely involved in one of the most inspiring and educative works I had ever done in UMR. Cutting papers and sticking them to make displays (hmmmm). I don't understand how somebody can make you work on everything other than your intended task and then come back the next day and ask about progress in your work. Anyway, as I always say, life is not fair.
Yesterday went to st.louis to collect data for research at the washington university. The university was fairly big and looked good, though lot of construction activities were an eye sore.
It is so interesting to notice as to how people react to the same kind of situation differently. Last time I was blamed, scolded and given all sorts of irritated looks and unnecessary advices. This time, even though slightly irritated, my friends reacted in a very mature manner. Only in difficult times, you know how much people care for you. Thanks for that.
Note: If the below message would hurt some people, so be it. Since that is the intention.
I am not quite sure how going to a temple would bring bad luck. By logic if we assume that somebody would get bad luck going to temple, then how easy it is for people to make their enemies fail (May be we should send all the politicians of the world to the temple). All I can say is that for some people, thinking in certain directions remain stunted.
What hurts me more is not the fact that others say that my opinion on something is wrong (infact they have every right to say that...afterall it is their opinion), but refuse to accept that I cannot even have such an opinion. They are so stuborn that they refuse accept anything they don't know. Just because you did not know pyramids of Egypt, does not mean they are not there.
Today I read this disturbing news (www.sify.com) about Kenyan women being raped by British soldiers
. What is really disturbing is not just the raping, but the fact that news like these never get reported in the western television to the people in the west. All the wetern media can report about the third world is the disease, wars, wierd social practices and the depth of under development in Asia and Africa. Just think for a moment, if the same type of huge rapings had happened for some women in Texas or Washington, what a headline news it would make. And these people are talking about equality. Well, who said the world or life is fair
Todays' words of wisdom, " Don't tell whatever you know, don't believe whatever you hear"
Yesterday was a very productive day. I got up really early in the morning at 7.30AM, went to meet Dr. Dagli (who came at 8.34AM), got his signature in my Form IA then went back to home and slept. I think I had a slight fever and wheazing but I am Ok now. Then, I got up at 2.00PM, went to check important emails from injet printer sellers and penis enlargement ....whatever (SPAM), then came back to eat. Saw a couple of movies, went to subway to eat again and had a nice walk with my frineds, came back and saw another movie and finally to my bed. Well, that is a productive way of spending time.
About my friends
This is my rolla mom. She was here before I came to Rolla to study.Whenever I have something happy or sad to share, she was there. Wonderful cook
Sometimes this fellow blurts out statements which are absolutely genius and some other times, the exact opposite. Sort very energetic person. Always, bubbling with mirth and laughter the sort of person when leaves the room, the room grows quite.
Amazing ability to get confused about anything in life. But probably that's what make her look so childish and cute. She has given her oath to me to be my best friend.
Ok, these are his statements
"People get lucky only once in life" .
"Always expect the worse from people unless they prove you wrong".
He reads a lot, knows a lot. Tries to do swimming and soccer in the same day and complains of pain all over the body. However, sort of nice
I have another long list of friends, more on them soon.
Despite the strange premonitions that present themselves for my consideration I am going dedicate this paragraph describing myself , and thereby bless this blog site. I am Aravind Sankaran, Graduate student in University of Missouri Rolla. I am from India, sothern part of India from a metropolis called chennai (old name madras). For those who love statistics, the population of my city is higher than the entire population of state Missouri. I am slightly reserved (some call retarded..as if I care), average intelligence, average skills, average looks...hmmmm..ok I do look good, dark and handsome. Interests: Music: classical, Films: which makes sense, Sports: Any individual accomplishment sport, food: south indian, mexican and Italian, dance: any thing that I can try, favorite persons: my parents and sister, first love : books, second love : well..lets talk about that later, author : Ayn Rand..and enuf of this i guess , i am bored........
So, I had to go the Indian grocery stores and buy rice, start cooking aferwards, and then finally(yeaaaaaaaah) eat. Hmmmmm...ok..for the past few days I was busy trying to graduate but suddenly all the Gods thought may be we can piss him off a little more ....so let's send the committe members off. so, I might not be grauduating this summer.
This is my first blog. I can't think of anything now, since I had been swimming for the past 2 hours and now I am really, really , really (I do mean it, ok) hungry. So I will come back and type the rest tonight...tata