It is burning outside. The occasional gusts of wind are trying pitifully to simmer the heat. Or is it me? I decide it does not matter either way, after a withering leaf fell across my face breaking my thoughts. Most of these days, I seem lost. Every hour despite my self, I am searching for something which I do not know. Is is my present problem or am I a born melancholic? Always I am ragged by so many questions, so many thoughts and so much of sadness. May be I will share the story of my life with you. One full of so much of love, sadness, pathos and many a time - serene absoluteness.
Where should I start? It is always fascinating to watch the park opposite to my home during the early morning, especially so on holidays. Despite my late sleep yesterday, I wake up early in the morning. I could hear my amma, doing some work in kitchen. My sister who is elder to me by approximately 1 1/2 is still sleeping. I know she won’t wake up till 7AM. That too, after numerous persuasions from my dad and some life threatening shouts from my amma. She does not really care. She knows they are not angry with her and probably they never will. I don't know about the rest of the world, but in my world of father, mother, grandma, sister and I - life is perfect. I slowly make toward the kitchen to get my brush and move for the back of the house open place. Amma would have already started making coffee for me. That slight presence of me is enough for her to start another small routine which she has done with a religious zeal all these years. I take my coffee and move to my favorite spot at the stairs in front of my house. I could hear my dad complain to the neighbor about the water shortage that is impending and which would anyway come, despite the frantic efforts of so many governments and organizations. But, I am not interested in all these. I am looking for the birds and flowers that I chit-chat everyday. Carrion crows, other smaller birds, the name of whom I don't know, gulmohar flowers, rain of forest, the roses that have bloomed from my sister's pots and of course the tree in front of my house. For others it may seem absurd and for many others, this may seem quite natural. After all, we all come from the same earth, so it is natural to feel a sense of bonding to everything around us.
I just completed my final year in engineering and I am dreaming of going to US. It is an arduous process claiming much of my families’ resources, time and attention. Clearly, amma is unhappy about the entire process. Though she says she does not have enough money to send me, I know better. She does not like the thought of living without her children. We have become here goal, dream and purpose in life. Everything she does revolve around us and some ways specifically around me.