Vayu
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
 

Interesting observation but scary


IF fin-aid-got during final year BE
MS in US
display "Foreign MS Degree"
ELSE
Join the (campus offered) big software consulting company;
visit all continents much to the concern of those who took the above IF logic
Display "Have made more money than you guys who did MS in US"
END IF


Our man took the ELSE clause and happily went around the globe. Learnt English customs, French cuisine, Swiss niceties, Spanish Reggae and American Dreams.

After three years plus (now a days people start at 6 months itself), decides to leave the big consultancy job and takes on a H1B. He tells all his friends "just 2 or maximum 3 years, make $10K or $20K and then come back and settle back home nicely, Ill come back, I wont be like others who settle there". He surely believes so when he says this and does not lie...

First 3 months:
Has got his SSN, managed a driving license after quite a bit of difficulty and fear; managed a second hand car; rented a decent apartment; spending about 500 $ on phone bills calling up every friend and relative.

Next 3 months:
Finds to his shock that he has less money in bank than he had during the big consultancy trips (when he knew that he used to get peanuts and hence lived within his means sharing a apartment and a car with 4 people and saved some money really)!! So now he starts making huge cuts in telephone bill (first he starts with his home calls and close friend calls - huge cut) and is happy to see the bill cut down to 250 $.

Next 6 months:
Has some friends by now, makes some trips to Niagara (its a ritual like the Kashi and Rameswaram trip in India), New York city and White House. Experienced a winter and fed-up with his car not starting, decides to buy a new car, feels lonely, thinks of his marriage.

Next 3 months:
Decides to call up his family about searching for a bride. Company asks him about green card, has 2 minds, change jobs for 10 K increase, or stay content with 5K increase given by the present company.

Next 3 months:
He fixes a trip after daily hunting for the cheapest ticket, goes home (India) with quite a few gifts for his family, fixes a girl !!! Comes back to the US in 3 weeks, as he knows he will be going back home after 6 months for marriage (Telugu guys are an exception: visit India for 3 weeks, see 15 girls, negotiate on Rs. 50 Lac (5 million rupees) + 10 acres fertile land + 2 rice mills etc., fix up the best bargain and get married in 2 days and come back; the other Indians are not so rewarded in cash; and they will have to go back 6 months down the line for getting married.)

After 6 months:
Gets married, now he is for sure his dream of coming back in 3 years is becoming pale !!... he has to spend 3000 $ on travel next time to go back home; he has spent a lot in car repayment; 2 Indian trips and in gifts; now he wont go back for 2 years: meanwhile he has to get his green card any way; (so he consoles himself that circumstances forced him to stay rather than blaming his will power).

2 years further:
Makes a trip home, buys more gifts for the wife side relatives than his own brothers and sisters!! Calculates every dollar, but finds out to his surprise that salaries in India have grown greatly, and also the cost of everything, now his savings will buy only 1 flat in south
Madras, not at Mylapore, he wont have any cash if he thinks of settling (in India); decides that he will stay in the US for another 3 years and concentrate more on saving and come back to India for good.

3 years in US:
Has kid (his mother in law came during delivery; he was worried all along that should they fall sick, he will be gone in medical care; he prays to God more than he prayed for his School final marks or JEE/CET seat). He is a family man; thinks that if his 2 year old daughter stays in US - after she is 7-8 years of age, she will have all those bad habits, so makes a plan to go back after 5 years, when his daughter would have seen the Disney Land and nicer things when she is not yet spoilt by the western culture.

4 years:
Makes a trip to India with a 20 % hope of returning to India. His retired father with BP and diabetes and mother with heart problem are in the fore front of his thoughts. But he goes to a few companies, (His ego is a little hurt as he was working as a programmer in US, in spite of having good knowledge and had managed 10 people team in India), he expects to be appointed as a general manager; but doesn't get one; or even if he gets, compares with 70K $ and finds it peanuts, so he decides to show his parents to a doctor; asks his neighbors to look after them; and gets on a plane to the US;

5 years down the line:
His wife likes the US, and she does not have the problem of the pestering of her mother-in-law. Halts all plans of her husband's thoughts of returning home. Wife visits India during December season, shows off and then comes back to US (While in India she talks to her relatives about her own car; kids bharatanatyam class in Denver suburbs; her relatives exclaim that they are still so Indian)....

10 years later:
Our man is in his 50's. He suddenly remembers the Indian culture. Is reminiscing in his dreams of the past about reciting Sahasranama at 6 PM in the Shiva temple, the prasad at the Narayana temple, his jolly stints with his Chetak (name of a scooter/bike in India) and the coffee at the Naesey bar in front of the Consultancy services at Lloyds Road 185 office and Annapoorna at 12 Cath Road office. He wants all of them back . so goes to India (but doesn't find it and that all are not truly continuing; blames Indians for forgetting culture;) Buys a big flat; and decides to come back in 2 years;

After 2 years;
He goes back to India but not with his family; his children Sweta and son Nikhil (nice fancy names unlike his Ramanaryanan and his friend Sivasubramanian though they were deep rooted tradition of his ancestral names) are going to "SCHOOL'' (at Michigan university, not in our terms an university; he calls it school) and are likely to get settled their with Steve and Susan respectively. He does not like it; but cant help it and so accepts it without saying anything; wife accepts it more realistically ; but still blames the circumstances ( had I got $ 70K when I passed out Engineering, would I have come here and spent 30 years here. He does not remember that rest of the Indians earned only 1165 + city allowance + DA relief of 180 rupees fifty paise when he got 3500 in Campus and got 1000 hike every 6 months in his software consultancy company).

Now in his sixties at Adyar; he goes to temple; his neighborhood flats kids are wearing American T-shirts, watching MTV. Our man is feeling bad that they are growing too Western; he passes his last days hoping his son and daughter will join him at death; (doesn't remember that he sent only get well card and made few telephonic calls using AT&T, MCI cheap rate duration's than attend to them personally, but still expects his son will come & nurse him) ... the good treatment at Malar Hospital has restored his health; now he can walk to the corner shop and negotiate coriander leaves for 50 paise spoiling the poor daily wage earners' meager earnings )...

And now our man rests in peace at an old age home !!


AMITABHA GHOSH

Lieutenant Commander (Indian Navy)

Deputy Controller of Procurement, Material Organisation (Mumbai)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This looks scary to me. I do want to earn money but I also wanna settle down in India with my parents. Now there are always "circumstances" coming in the middle. so am I into something over which I have no control. The entire passage is cynical and sarcastic, but besides that it may be telling the truth also. So is it a big mistake to want best of both the worlds? Why do people still think of us as malevelent selfish money mongers. We did like everyone else did and doing. Trying to get a better life. so how come we become unpatriotic .
Well, after everything is said and done, should we not be next to our parents during their old age?

I dont know.
 
Comments:
really enjoyed reading it. have heard many people talk about the next year syndrome.
 
really true story,
patthuko neeum ippadi aaida porai!

but is there really tat big a differential btwn incomes in india and US? (not in conversion terms but in actualy standard of living terms)
 
@kaps and @vatsan...
aiyooo, ennaku onume ippo puriyale..pichikalam pole iruku..:-(
regarding living standards, yes, i feel there is a big difference. with respect to how much liquid cash one holds, not much.
 
i think it is this way, once you have seen the better things that life has to offer, like it does in developed nations, you may just not want to come back...

i have never been abroad...so i dont know...but i can compare it to the scenario where a villager comes to city..my grandmom ( mom's mom) came to the city ( chennai ) from her village for a brighter future for hwe children...leaving behind the farm.....once we are used to the life in city, will we go back to village..similat scenario...i guess...

i think it is a known fact that once abroad always abroad........

nice post BTW.....

the only reason i didnt take up GRE was the money involved....and took up my job instead...
:)

so dont bother....if you cant go to india, you can bring your parents to your place..is that feasible??

anyways, dont be upset...you have got good education there....
:)
 
OK so what happens if they do MS, isn't it the same story.
 
Me - came to US after my marriage on H1 in 1993. Went back to India thinking it will be for good. Came back 2 years later thanks to me not liking INdia...and my wife as well.

Now I am hoping I'll settle down here.! I don't have any regrets.
 
Good post-But I think once you get used to a particular place, culture and lifestyle it is difficult to come back to India only on the pretext of being patriotic-dont worry there are a lot of patriotic people out here who dont get an opportunity to go abroad-if you enjoy there-enjoy whole heartedly without having regrets
 
Nice post.
 
Good one,
I came to do MS no funding for 2.5 years, life was literally a struggle. Did my masters for 4 years, still is a record here [still people make fun of for that], But beyond a point it was a challenge, which I wanted to win.
In some ways I won, I dont know if Ill stay here.

Its just the attitude and a reality check thatll keep ur mind healthy, nothing else, rest every problem is solvable. Even though I realised it very late, ellam manasu thaan, alapaaya vittom, ull be in chaos.
 
Good writeup.....nice thoughts by people who have experienced similar instances in their lives....
Swapna
 
thought provoking post aravind.

definitely it has an impact on every NRIs who have two minds.. would like to earn more, would like to have indian culture, society, relatives around etc., etc.,

I came down to Singapore - 4 hrs away from Chennai - couple of years back, with the intention of going back shortly ... the no.of years which I fixed have doubled.. Still I don't have that settled feeling.

Always have a feeling that savings is not enough (human mentality). As you say, after sometime what will happen? Even tomorrow? It is really, scary.
 
Wonderful thought provoking post
 
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