Greed

Inevitable result of being alone for long periods of time is that one tends to understand himself a little more. I just realized I am incredibly greedy and jealous for knowledge. I want to learn everything that is possible to learn. The second I know someone else is more intelligent and knowledgable than me, a tinge of hatred develops in me. That was how I have always been. But oflate I am growing tired of this attitude. Reason is, I cannot know and learn everything. There is always someone more intelligent than you. Instead of focussing on what I do not know, I have begun to focuss on things that I know. For examples, books. I read a lot and have read a lot. But unlike others who say this, my taste is very different. I donot know most of the authors that any "so called" readers would know. I really dont care. I read what I enjoy. Same is the case with music. I really can never appreciate any of the modern music; be it rap, pop, country music etc. Basically anything in english. I need it in my language, only then I feel the connection. The only other kind of music that I can appreciate is classical, be it western or carnatic or hindustani. The other day I was hearing bits of some kind of opera. That was the first time I was hearing that. It was like I could almost feel it in me. The music went like waves and I could decipher the patterns in it. Basically I could taste the melody in it. I could not do that with any of these new days singers or mucians. Not that they are not talented, just that I cant make a connection.   ¶ 10:28 PM